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Category Archives: Branding

The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band: debunking marketing bullshit since 1968

Segmentation. It’s been part of marketing for eons, but now the age of Big Data is bringing it all into a new level of efficacy. And bullshit, obviously.

Obviously.

Obviously.

But what do such terms mean? Segmentation means working out who your audience is so you can advertise to them more effectively – splitting them up into segments so you can pick the message that’s most relevant to each one rather than a “one size fits all” approach.

Big Data? Your company collect loads of data and has done for years: from purchase information to website analytics, email addresses to birthdays and anniversaries. And now you want to use it, but there’s so much of it you don’t have the manpower to sift through it all. So you need software to do it for you and come up with the insights you need to be more effective.

So put those two things together and you have loads of data which should help you understand your customer better to inform your marketing and product decision-making processes.

That’s the theory, anyway.

Now, marketing types love a bit of segmentation. It’s always in the top 3 of management consultants recommendations when they don’t know what else to suggest: “Perhaps it’s time to segment your database?” is right up there with “ Let’s look at a loyalty programme” and “We should consider retargeting as an online marketing tactic.” It all sounds lovely when spoken authoritatively and with a big folder of research statistics to hand to make it look like it’s all based on sound evidence, of course. But does it actually work?

"Wrestle poodles... AND WIN!!"

“Wrestle poodles… AND WIN!!”

Well, yes, actually. It isn’t controversial to say that well-targeted messages  perform better than poorly-targeted generic ones. But there is often something missing – a soul. The hidden extra factors that make something human are not always revealed in data because – despite what neuro-marketers wish you to believe – we simply don’t understand everything about how the human mind works. As such, expensively-produced marketing that works by the numbers can – and sometimes does – still fail.

And so to the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah band. For the unfamiliar, an acid-drenched muso-fest of a band, public schoolboys who got beaten up during sports lessons but excelled at music; classically-trained bods who, through a love of comedy, eccentricity and, erm, psychedelic drugs, somehow uncovered many fine truths about what it is to be British that still hold up some 40 years after their heyday.

I had heard the song “Urban Spaceman” a thousand times before it suddenly clicked what it’s really all about. The 1960s saw advertising take off in whole new directions, along with the increase in media space to deliver it. And so, the song was a paean to these characters seen only in adverts – beautiful superhumans beyond reproach, not a human flaw amongst them.

Only the last line of the song reveals the truth – I’ll leave the punchline to them. And marvel at how a bunch of very fine musicians with an odd sense of humour realised it long before the rest of us.

 

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The Nonsense of The Personal Brand

I get a lot of gip about my Twitter account. I swear, make bad and often off-colour jokes, troll major brands and social media consultants for kicks and generally refuse to play the “game.” Considering a history of working in marketing and dealing with brand and PR, am I just killing my personal brand?

AKA "I am a massive bell-end."

I certainly hope so.

Consider what personal branding is all about – the idea that you need to maintain a professional demeanour in the face of present or potential clients or networking colleagues. Sadly, there are plenty of examples of employees losing jobs over their social network postings and employers who “vet” potential employees using companies that perform online vetting.

The idea that your personal life now belongs to your employer is unbelievably offensive in what is supposed to be a “free” country. Sure, if you attend a Klan rally wearing your McDonalds uniform people are bound to get upset – you can’t blame the Klan for excluding you.* If you’re wearing a uniform then it’s not such a stretch to think that you represent your employer somehow, but if you’re in civvies on your own time? Would you expect your employer to see you dancing badly on a Saturday night and give you a written warning about your conduct? What if you worked for Amnesty but liked to secretly read the Mail On Sunday? Or you worked at T-Mobile but had a BT landline? What business is it of anyone’s?

The answer to all of this is pretty simple. If you’re worried your employer may be social network-sensitive, don’t allow them to connect to you and sort out your privacy settings. For some people, this is sadly a reality – but they are a slightly different issue to those with “personal brands.”

The person as a brand is not a new concept. And, if you’re famous like Donald Trump then I suppose I can see the sense in it – your income is related directly to people’s perception of you. So, even if it makes you a total douche, fair enough. But that isn’t most people. Most people who go down this route are creating a

"Hi. I'm a self-perpetuating media node."

professional façade for their personality – this is what your CV or LinkedIn are for, a professional interpretation of who you are. But your presence in social networks is social by definition – why are you pretending to be someone you aren’t?

The process of branding is often about making products seem more human or human-friendly – so why is that process being applied to, erm, humans? Would you ever want to meet a personal brand? How does that go? “Hi, I’m Tom. Have you read this week’s iPhone news? If you’ve enjoyed this conversation you can find me at the bar across the street later where I’ll be discussing the Wall Street protests…”

“Uh-huh….  Check please.”

I don’t subscribe to this kind of stuff because I’d rather people knew what a jerk I am before they employ me. What’s the point of pretending to be someone I’m not? They’ll find out eventually. I wouldn’t lie on my CV and say I can operate a crane, only later to destroy a building with one and sheepishly ask if I’ll be getting paid for the hours I’d done before those unfortunate deaths. The same goes for clients. If clients are sensitive, ensure they are not connected. It’s the work account that needs to be careful not the personal ones. If you’re a massively offensive and profane person, your company is unlikely to place you in a room with sensitive clients so why would you connect  with them on social networks?

Most client organisations are made up of human beings just like you. And they don’t care about what you do in your personal life. They are more likely to be offended if you pretend to be someone you aren’t and then they discover the real you. If you spend your whole life with a permagrin, soray tan, fake Rolex or Gucci handbag slapped on your person, good luck to you. But you can buy your own drinks.

Branding? It’s for companies and cattle. You aren’t a brand, you’re a person. Maybe try actually being one.

It's the mark that says "Hi, I'm Chad, let's talk about articles I read on Mashable."

*Zzzzzzing.

 
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Posted by on October 16, 2011 in Branding, Marketing, Social Media

 

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